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BEHIND THE DIVINE

Good Attitude Gone Wrong?

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How Being a People Pleaser Holds Us Back
From Our Biggest Dreams

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Icreated this column as a way to get really real with all of you and reflect transparently on the more humbling moments I experience in life, relationships, and business. And this month’s reflection may be one of the most open I’ve shared yet.

Few of us would consider that there might be a down side to having a “good attitude,” but there is one that affects us more than we may realize.

I personally became aware of this downside only recently. For most of my life (and probably yours too), I’ve gotten further and done better because of my “good attitude.” However in the last few weeks of 2015, I’ve been seriously reflecting on all the ways this has actually held me back.

When it comes to my career, I’ve been taught to rely on my “willingness” to work hard and to do whatever it takes. And as a woman leader, I’ve been particularly conditioned to be “understanding” and “reasonable,” submitting my own goals to the timelines of others.

On the surface, it might seem like I’ve been able to have a career thanks to these “good attitude” qualities. But reflecting on it more deeply, the times that I’ve made the most progress in my business were never the times where I played by somebody else’s rules or worried about what others might think. Instead, they were the times where I took risks, followed my instincts, and stood up for my own desires.

Check in with yourself and ask, when has your good attitude been about genuine compassion and love, and when has it been about fear of what others might think? As many of us women have been conditioned to be agreeable and never hurt anyone’s feelings, sometimes we lower our own standards and mute our truth rather than speak up for what we believe.

I realized that playing big in the world requires a high level of authenticity and letting go of some of the ways we’ve been taught to behave. I saw that the successful business women who we look up to are actually unwilling to work so hard they become slave girls. They know how to manifest quick results through speed of implementation, and they are definitely not worried about others thinking ANYTHING about them, especially not when it comes to their reasonableness or lack there of.

btd-quoteAs we bring 2015 to a close, look at the times this year where the advice you’ve gotten from others has been spot on. And look at the times where it’s been limiting to be told to be “reasonable.” Maybe you’ve heard: you shouldn’t do that, it’s too expensive, you need to wait, something else needs to happen first. By taking that (albeit well-meaning) advice, did you give your power over to someone else’s idea of how life and business should go? What was the result?

It’s okay to reflect on things you wish you had done differently, though I always say most of my regrets in life are the things I didn’t do. If you fail, it might not feel good in the moment, but believe me it’s much better to have tried and to have been there for yourself. And the important thing is that you’ve learned something from your errors and can move forward even stronger and clearer than before.

One of my biggest lessons of this year is to let myself be more fierce. To become stronger and more aware of what I am and am not available for, or willing to do, and strengthen my confidence in my own expectations, standards, and goals for my company.

When you know in your heart that you desire to have a major impact, remember that your leadership requires you to be fully in your power. Every single time you step up for yourself and commit more deeply to who you are, you get closer to creating the life you truly desire. So be fierce ladies—it’s time to do what you came here for.

  All My Love,
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