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BEHIND THE DIVINE

… And Now What?

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My Inner Conflict Over
Coming Home to California

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After traveling throughout Europe and the UK for five months, I hardly wanted to go home. I had a life-changing seven weeks in Provence, followed by so much excitement in Paris and London. I was having an amazing time in the city meeting extraordinary people and enjoying fabulous experiences, and I was starting to think maybe Europe was actually where I needed to be. Thinking of the life that awaited me at home in Santa Barbara, it seemed kind of…slow. We had just bought our dream house there last year…but did I really even want to live in California?

On top of all that, the thought of coming home for the first time without being greeted at the doorway by Ginger wagging her tail caused a twinge of dread. My heart just didn’t seem to be in Santa Barbara so much as it was set on returning to Provence next summer, possibly to open my own little bastide. But until then…what was I excited about? Don’t get me wrong—I’m thrilled and grateful that there’s so much going on in my business with Live & Luxurious kicking off this week and the Divine Living Academy launch, plus the magazine in full swing and our team currently growing—but everything felt kind of…established.

I was feeling far from my next big new adventure, challenge, or project and started to question…What’s next? What’s new? When can I get out of California?

btd-quoteAnd then—I touched down at LAX to nothing but clear blue skies, gorgeous mountains and the most perfect weather in the world. The next morning, I woke up in my own California king bed to the ocean views I had fallen so in love with. That night, Glenn and I had some dear friends over for dinner, and we enjoyed the best night of just hanging out, laughing and eating Mexican food (which I hadn’t done in months!). Twenty-four hours in, maybe Santa Barbara wasn’t so bad after all…

Then, something interesting happened. Glenn was going through the mail, and out of the blue arrived a very odd letter from a realtor asking if we might be interested in selling our house. He said some of his clients had been in town, seen the house from the street and fallen totally in love. “Can we talk?” He said, adding, “Oh and P.S, they’re a very lovely couple and they’re cash buyers.”

WHAAAAT? All of a sudden I started looking around at this home that three days ago I wasn’t so sure I wanted to live in and I’m like…wait…I LOVE my view! And the kitchen—that’s my dream kitchen! OMG, maybe I should start an online TV Show and make this the set. Hold up everyone! Don’t take my home away from me just yet!!!

btd-1Glenn meanwhile, was totally chill, like “…We don’t have to move, Gina.” Cut to me waking up at 3am in a panic trying to hold onto my own house, the only thing threatening to take it away being the part of me that says how could I say no if a cash offer came in? This is the Universe bringing me the opportunity to go to Provence and open my hotel!

Talk about inner conflict. In the days since, I’ve been able to relax around this, though I still don’t have any answers as to what my next move is. What I’m realizing is there are so many options and possibilities and ways to do life, so be careful what you wish for. This experience has brought me back to how important it is for a woman to make the space to sit alone with her thoughts and really ask the question, what do I desire? You want to make a conscious choice and discern what truly matters to you, rather than just letting your thoughts swirl around, running into what other people want, or what society wants.

Our lives and careers are filled with many different seasons, and sometimes when we’re in between, we may feel suspended in air, without direction. That’s how it is for me right now, and for the time being I have to be okay with that. I don’t know if I’m moving to Provence or selling the house or buying a hotel or starting a TV show. What I do know is I love my home, I love where I live, I love my team and my clients and everything I’m creating and doing right now.

  All My Love,

 

 

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